Almost a year

Hey. 

It’s been almost a year since you posted. Just wanted to update you. You have a gf now. You work for Second City. You’re group PREACH is putting in work. It’s crazy. That Philippines trip you always thought you would never do…..you went. And you’re busy. 

And it’s a good busy. A busy you earned. A busy you worked hard for. It didn’t come easy for you. You’ve been through some shit. Not only that, the world isn’t really the happiest right now. 

But you’re still shining. Still keeping your eyes open and making sure you’ve got focus on what’s important. 

You taught kids. They know you. They’re happy you came thru. You’re doing fine. 

Now it’s a matter of keeping the joy real and chasing the happy thought. 
You got this. 

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Annoyance

Someone always has to be the one to take the bullet. And I don’t mind being that guy. I’ll always go out when there’s nobody on stage. I’ll always take on the challenge. Because that’s how you learn. And that’s how you protect those around you. 

Tonight I protected and felt protected. My choices were strong and my God did it feel good to feel like a beginner again. I love it. Just playing. Playing with people I don’t know. No pressure. Just the thrill of it. 
The trill of it. Thrill of it. Wanting to go after everything and and being the willingness. 

To be all in on this. 
This is how we win. By being there and pushing the fair winds our way so come sail away. Come sail away with my rip tides. You can’t just rip and hide. You got to go and get that high. 
That runners invincible feeling of blasting through all the walls that fall in your way. Ever had to work against the grain. Try to maintain a sense of fame.  Who in this game?

Two player? One. Guess this one was just for fun. Stop thinking. Start playing. And let the player haters keep hating. 

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September 13 4:57pm

Red Line.

I just saw Ghetto Klown and I’m in awe. I love live theater. It will never stop being amazing to me and give me chills.

To meet John Leguizamo in person and for him to tell me good luck was just amazing. I had to get all of his work. I need to study. I need to push for being greater.

I have to get my body ready for sacrifice.

I feel like I’ve found my family. I laughed so much today. I ate so much. I played so much volleyball. I was around all my Asian FAM. My volleyball FAM.

I am making a home for myself now. I’m also getting ready for my big leap into the unknown.

Do I want to be famous or a great artist? That Is a question I push to find the answer to everyday. And I need to push harder.

Today I played in my first and probably my last volleyball tournament of the season. At least for outdoors. I helped my teammate fight and dig deep and when he felt like giving up I told him not to. We talked through it.

And I loved every second of it. We lost. But we pushed to a final 3rd game and it was amazing. It took all summer but I finally found my swing. Now it’s just a matter of mastering it.

All things get better with time. From pain and hurt to work and art. It all gets better with time. It will always get better with time.

I just need to believe that it will. That following the fear is the ultimate choice. To push for something higher and to bring more to the table than most.

Bas, my director for Chicago slam works, would always tell is during our pre show huddle that we need to be the one. If the energy is lacking or a choice needs to be made, then be the one.

I need to be the one. I am the one. I’ve been the one this whole time. I just need to believe it by working for it.

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Late night

It’s just me on here. No clear hand to hold. Just a bed to fold into. 

I got songs stuck in my head. Curse of being a DJ. Constantly cross fading thoughts left and right. Trying to beat match my struggles with others. 

How can it be. 

That I’m in the boat floating. Not moving. My yes and is different. 
I was so glad to hear it. Because I seriously thought that I was not that good. I can do it. I can keep it going. 
And I will. 

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Been a minute. 

The tinder struggle is real. 
I think we call it distraction. That’s what I get most from it. Distractions. A piece of distraction from the real hussle. 

Art. Movements. Making business moves. Constantly networking. Making moves in a heartbeat. 

Promotion. Stability. 

Making myself heard. 

Let’s do it. 

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And we back. 

I was going to go play volleyball today. 

It was going to be glorious. Get my legs back under me. Nope. Not at all. Because typing and writing are two different things. And I can’t type my thoughts out any more because they get distracted too easily. 

My heart is in a knot. It’s twisted in so many different ways. I don’t know. I can’t understand it. But today I woke up with my heart hurting. 

Maybe because I’ve been silent about issues that are near and dear to me. Maybe I’ve been thinking about things and doing things that are about my career and not about advancing my life as a person. Maybe I’m not taking care of myself that well anymore. 

My chest hurts. People are still getting shot. Everyone is lying on TV. I have hope for the world. But I feel like I’m being misleaded. This mistreating of humans has got to end. And I know it’s crazy to think but why. 

Why do these things happen. 

I just need to keep fighting to build something worth fighting for. 

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Dear TJ

Dear 18 year old me,

You’re dope. Don’t question it. Your choices are strong. You are who you are and nobody can change that. Not even your own mother. I know there will be girls. They will come and go. The pain will never change. 
Be honest with everything. No matter what. Hiding things never helps. In fact, it makes things worse. 
Cheating is not good. It never is. Don’t do it. Try your hardest to be honest. If you don’t like someone. Tell them. It’s not fair to the other person if you lie. 

Your can be right in arguments. Don’t think because someone is older that they’re always right. You will grow up faster. 
Peer pressure is stupid. Don’t give in. And be just because you know who you are doesn’t mean you have to act like you don’t. I don’t know is common and it’s okay. But if you feel super happy when doing something, do it more. 

Save money now. Trust me. Shit will get real. 

Don’t forget to keep falling in love and be open to heartbreak. Feel everything and write as much as you can. You’ll look back and realize that who you become might forget how they became the man they are today. 

Sometimes we need to remind ourselves that were dope. 
TJ

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