Who the fuck are you?

All day everyday I ask myself who I am and how I can make myself better. What do I need to do? I tasted it for a bit. The taste of mediocre. The taste of being unprepared. The taste of being…not -good. And that’s bullshit. 
I know who I am and what realm u come from. I am not supposed to squander these opportunities away. Not now. Not ever. You think this is gonna discourage me? I wouldn’t have been asked to do it if someone didn’t believe I could. 
I will not let this fuck me over. This will fuel me. And so will you. 

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The journey

I’m constantly being mentally tested. It’s real. Always. Every night I head home I have a voice in my head. That doubt it poisonous. It’s got a reputation for finding its way into my ego. Then I start trying validate my dopeness by asking others. 

I used to believe that I was dope. I was the shit. I am the shit. I stopped. I’m still trying to find it again. Why it’s missing I have no idea. Or maybe it’s the inconsistency of getting laughs from audiences across the board. 

I’m used to pleasing all. I’m used to inspiring. Not offending. Not hurting. But what seems to be happening is that the world doesn’t give a shit about my feelings. It’s going to keep spinning. 

I watched the kingdome recently with Jamie Foxx. And there’s this part in the movie where his boss talks about death. How his platoon wrote their own obituaries. Because realizing the inevitable help the fear disappear. 

Maybe if I wrote my own timeline up until the present then I can start to create my ego that gave me confidence in the first place. I had has to change to I have. 

The goal was, is, and forever will be simple: be the best player I can be. If I gain fame, great. But I want to be the most supportive player I can be on stage.

No SNL. No Mainstage. No famous writer. JUST A GREAT PLAYER. 

Keep the focus simple and everything will follow. Trust the technique and do it. 

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May-Corrigan

last night was a small wedding. Incredible. The energy was wilder than any I’ve seen. They knew what they wanted and how they wanted it. 
Love knows no bounds. No limits. It really can take hold of anyone. I still get emotional. Watching people find their mate for life. It’s just so amazing. 

As of late I’ve been trying to find my voice in this world.  It’s unfortunate but I’m starting to not like adults but I love children. 

I’m not ready to have one. I have a lot more discoveries to make about myself. Relationships are not easy. And I have no intentions in getting into a serious one any time soon.  

But I am dating. And it does feel nice   To be held. But does it feel nice to feel selfish? To be the one that needs to be te center. I don’t like changing my ways and I’m starting to see that. I do what I want and that’s it. 
I have a lot going on for myself and I think I need to focus more on myself. Keep working hard. Keep improving myself as an artist. Keep working. And once the dust settles then I need to HAVE FUN!!

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Inspiration. 

These projects are gonna come at me whether I like it or not. And I like it. I like the challenge. I love the pressure. I work better working under the pressure that I love. If I need to focus on a detail then I do it. 
And my opinion matters. Thanks to all the people that I have at my disposal. I swear sometimes I just need to talk to the right people in order to get my opinion in order. One by one I start to unblock the walk I built against myself. It’s been a rough couple of months and I am blessed to be in the position that I am in. Hopefully I can do it justice by speaking my mind. 

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6/9 5:50 pm

Red line. 
Getting double booked sucks. It makes me feel like I’m unorganized and not aware of what’s going on in my work and I know better. Consequences are happening and now I’m in trouble. I need to get myself out of it. I dunno how but we’ll see. 
I’m an artist of many trades. I’m not limited to one single entity. I’m versatile and I know what I can do. But I need to get my shit together. I need to really work on a calendar system that’s going to help all of us. I’m going to work my way into everything I need to. 

Another aspect I need to work on in my career is my organization. I’m there but I’m not communicating them to who I need to and that’s not good. 
I’m about to take on representation as an actor. I need it. I know I do. This is how I get jobs. This is how I get seen. I need to push for things harder so I can get my hands on them. Opportunities are everywhere. I need to stay focused. 

A lot has changed. Now I need to adapt and grow to that change. This is no place for me to grow weak. This is where I begin to grow stronger. This is where it all comes into place and I be who I am. 

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